pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
