my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
