Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
