She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
