They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
