Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He felt like a one man threesome
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
