My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
