So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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