Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
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Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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