Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
