just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
