Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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