we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
