I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
