I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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