I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
