I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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