I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He shit in the fireplace
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