Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
