It's Friday. Sex?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Are we still banned from the library?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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