my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Even my vagina gasped.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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