please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
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