My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
