when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize