wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
