I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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