I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
