We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
