From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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