someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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