She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
