I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
