mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
