i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
