I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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