I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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