dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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