Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
