could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
