whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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