I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
