i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
