Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
