He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
