i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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