My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
