do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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