yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
