I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
