Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
