You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
