If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
