no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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