she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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