When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
