I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
