Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize