Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
