All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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