Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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