Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
The power of my boobs compel you
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
