Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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