weddingsv make me drug and hornr
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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