Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize