So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
