you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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