the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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