just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
