eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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