dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
