I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
