Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
