My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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