i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize