There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
